Monday, September 8, 2014


The candor in a toddler in unparalleled.  It's one of the things I love about them, actually, but damn!...Harrison can really put the truth on you.  Sometimes it's something so SO sweet that I think he must be drunk.  That's when his father compliments me mostly.

He (Harrison) will take my face in his hands, stare into my eyes and say "Mommy, you look sooooo beautiful!"  Usually this happens in the morning when I have Edward Scissor Hands hair and am wearing a retainer.  Sometimes he will tell me I'm wearing a lovely dress when I am actually wearing a threadbare old t-shirt.  Or he will tell me I smell nice when I am still soaked in underboob sweat from my workout.

Other times...times when I think I have it pulled together and can be seen in public, he will comment about my appearance in a way that is not quite as flattering.

He just asked me again about my belly the other day.  You can read about his original obsession with my belly at IS THAT BELLY SQUISHY?!?  This new conversation centered around the way a mommy's belly stretches big so that her baby can grow inside.

Harrison wanted to know if my belly had "unstretched" all the way.  He kept asking "Has it unstretched ALL the way or is it still a little stretched?"  "YES IT'S STILL A LITTLE STRETCHED!", I screamed in my head while pasting a smile on my face.  Although it was probably more of a sneer....  "Yeah, it still looks big enough that we can pretend there's a baby in there.", he said with much satisfaction.

I've also been told that my breath is "interesting" on more than one occassion.  Usually after coffee or garlic, but there have been a time or two that he has mentioned it after I have had a nice long face to face with one of his teachers, or a new neighbor, or even (GASP) my UPS boyfriend.

At least he's keeping  me  on my toes.  I never quite know whether to expect the compliment of my life or an observation that will send me to bed with the vodka.

In the end, isn't that the roller coaster we signed up for when we made this little human?  One minute you're basking in their adoration and the next, you're just the servant who wipes their ass.  In my opinion, it's the perfect metaphor for life.

Thanks for the life lesson Harrison.  Keep 'em coming.

What demoralizing things have your kids said to you?  What's the best compliment they've ever given?  I want to hear your stories!   

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