Thursday, February 13, 2014


As the mother of a boy, I am acutely aware that I won't always be the woman in his life.  Right now, I take a back seat to no one.  I won't lie.  That's how I want it to be.  Foreeeeeeeever!  Bwaahaahaahaa!!

Of course I want my son to develop personal independence.  Of course I want him to love and be loved.  I want him to know the deep fulfillment of finding another person to spend your life with.  Someone who loves you, not because you were born to them, but because they choose you. 

I want him to find out how it feels to accomplish something that he chooses and works toward.  I want him to realize how capable and strong he can be, and  to know the satisfaction of personal growth, through struggle.

I will have to let him him go.

I'M JUST NOT READY, OK?!?  Harrison isn't even 4 yet, but I can still feel the time slipping by, like water through my fingers.  I've started wondering how much longer he will let me hold him.  How old will he be when he stops leaning in for kisses and instead shrugs me away?

How many more times will he climb into our bed at night just because "he misses me"?  Will he confide in me, as he gets older?  Will he see me as a friend? 

I have poured every single ounce of my being into my child. The thought of him growing up, and away from me, fills me with both pride and dread.  How am to do this thing? How am I to transition from being the mother of a baby who relies on me for everything, to being the mother of a boy who needs me far less, to the mother of a man who just might not need me at all?

I wish I knew. 

I'm not going to think about it any more today.  I'm just going to soak him up all I can.  Starting right  now.  I am being asked to play pirate dress up, and there's no way I'm going to refuse that invitation.  Good day, matey.

What's your experience been like, as your children grow up?  I'd love to hear your stories and comments!!

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