Saturday, October 13, 2012


When I became a mom, I knew I was going to need to branch out in terms of my
friendships. You need friends who have been through the new mommy wonderland/hell you're now experiencing.

What I didn't expect was to find myself in the midst of a high school-mean girls reenactment.  Girls (and later women) tend to make friends based upon an elaborate although unspoken system.  Not so much has changed since we were in school.

Pretty girls, for instance, often make friends with other pretty girls.  Girls who are sporty seem to hang out with similarly athletic girls, and the infamous mean girls naturally spend time with other mean girls.

Women are like wolves, in that we stick together with our own kind, follow a strong leader, and fight to the death when challenged. A challenge in this case is often a parental criticism.

With women, though, a criticism need not even be spoken to exist. If you bottle feed, you are making a statement about breast feeders. If you co-sleep, then you must be judging cry it out. A woman's choices put her squarely in a camp, whether she means anything by them or not.  Making friends can be tricky.

I did not initially realize that every minute decision I made would determine which mothers would, or in many cases would not, accept me.  For instance, there is a mom at my son's mothers' day out that has taken a dislike to me. We will refer to her here as "Land Rover" since the fact that she drives one is really all I know about her. 

I started out smiling at her in passing, and probably didn't even notice until like the fifth time
that she was ignoring me utterly. Ok. That's a lie. I noticed the third time but it didn't start to piss me off until later. 

have since become obsessed with cracking her silent treatment. I hold a false belief that no one is impervious to my humor and charms and "Land Rover" is totally shaking my confidence. I mean really. It's becoming comical. I'm all but juggling and tap dancing at her just to get a smile. Hell, at this point I'd settle for a "WHAT is your problem?!". No dice.

Am I not entitled to the knowing smile that you give other mothers?!?  The one that says "We are in these trenches together!". Why, fellow mommies?!?  Why?!?  All this judging and competition has gotten ridiculous. Let's show just a touch of grace to our fellow people raisers.  I'll start! - I'm going to refrain from ramming my car into "Land Rover's" Land Rover.   Today, at least.

Baby steps, mommies. Baby steps. 

1 comment:

  1. I smile at you WHILE judging. ;) Love your blog!!!