TODDLER TOP FIVE.

Little people do some very annoying things. I personally believe that Harrison just wants to see how far he can push me before I run screaming down the street. The answer is- NOT MUCH FURTHER.

Here are a few of my guy's most perfected sanity busters:

1) THE STALL.
I never knew that getting on one sock could be a 45 minute lesson in patience. My lamaze breathing has been more useful to me, as a toddler mom, than it ever was for the birthing of said child.


2) THE WHINE.
 Kill me now. Whining is the the behavior that most often leads me to lock myself in the bathroom. It's totally normal to sit on the edge of the tub with your fingers in your ears, humming "I will survive" while a 3 foot tall madman tries to kick in the door. Right?!?!?!

3) THE ANGRY SNOW ANGEL.
We're walking through target when Harrison suddenly decides he's done shopping. After I've exhausted all my cajoling skills, bribes, and empty threats, it's time for the floor show. He will drop to the tile, fling himself onto his back, and flail his arms and legs from side to side.   Oh, the humiliation of trying to pry a dead weighted child off of a dirty floor. Which leads us into our next behavior...

4) THE LIMP FISH.
Characterized by limbs with no muscle control, a 36lb body that seems to weigh 360lbs, and zero responsiveness. If I'm ever kidnapped, I will totally try this. There's nothing more effective. Or frustrating.

5) THE ANNOUNCER.
Ever been in a public restroom when your child became suddenly curious? About everything?  In as loud a voice as possible?  I have. "Mommy, are you going in THE POTTY?!?". "Mommy, is that your ANGINA?!?". "Mommy, do I have a BIIIIG PENIS?!?".  "Mommy, did you hear that lady TOOT?!?

There's is absolutely no dignity in parenting. That's  Ok. We're all in this thing together. For the long, wonderful, and sometimes maddening journey.